Following the Pattern'
by FoldingStars-ox
Summary: Christy is a fifteen year old girl who has very strong beliefs about alot of things, and has a very mixed up life. But will someone manage to change it? Will she ever feel as if she belongs? She doesn't want to Follow the Pattern but... Will she even try?
1. Summary

Following the Pattern

Well, to say the least, I'm not really sure of where I'm going to go with this, and how well it's gonna turn out. The only thing I _do_ know is that you can't achieve anything if you don't try. So here's my take on life, I guess, and I supposed your gonna judge it? ... Wait. Fug. I hate being judged.

Well, (I seem to say 'Well' alot), to start off my name is Christy McAndrew, and I live in this little place in Ireland called Blackrock. I'm not Irish, I'm actually English, so I kinda get the piss taken out of me alot at school because of the accent, as you can imagine. But then again, to me everyone else sounds funny, so I can't really understand why I'm the one being laughed at? Yeah, well.  
It's not all that bad, though, as if I'm this huge loser kid that no-one likes. I do have a few friends, but trust me, it's taken me a while to make 'em. My best friend that I've had from the start of my time at school (How I managed this I don't know) is called Christian. Yeah, he's a guy - to be quite honest, if I met a girl called Christian, I'd be quite concerned. Wait, no, that's a bit harsh, lemme rephrase that - If I met a girl called Christian, it'd probably be a once-in-a-life-time thing.  
But yeah, he's my guy buddy, but trust me, we're not like that. He's in fact gay, which is a good thing because I'm pretty sure if people heard I was best friends with a straight, pretty attractive guy there'd be all sorts of finger-pointing and shit, everyone saying I 'like' him and shit. I think the only bad thing about him being the opposite sex is that I can't go with him to the toilet or anything, like other kids do when they need to go. I remember when I lived in Gosport, I had quite a few friends because we were all alike, and if one of them needed the toilet, we'd all go with her. It was kinda gross really. But sweet, I guess.  
My other friends kind of all hung out in a group with Christian, and because I was good friends with him and they were too, we all kinda merged into one. Which is good, I guess, because that means when I'm in a class that Christian isn't, I've still got someone to be with. But then again, it does cause a lot of arguments and jealousy between us all, who to sit with at lunch and stuff like that. Sometimes I just wish I could go back to where I was before, but that'd mean I'd lose everything I'd gained here, and, though I have gained very little, it's still hard to say goodbye. I'm awful with farewells. Farewells and desicions are my weak spot, I must say.

Which is why you're gonna help me, right? I guess writing in this 'diary' sorta thing will help me realise my problems and shit. Well, I hope I'll realise them as I'm writing them, because if I only realise them after I've written this and come back to read this like, years later, then it'll be kinda useless.

So here goes my friends. Wish me luck. I'm 'following the pattern'.

So hey guys, I hope you liked the summary of my story 'Following the Pattern'. I know it sounds really cheesy but there's gonna be alot of stuff packed into it, I've already gotten the first five chapters? They should be on here soon, thanks for your time 3

Reviews are really appreciated, even if you think my writing is bad, so long as it's not mean and is constructive criticism, I don't mind x


	2. A is for Anarchy

A is for Anarchy

Well, seeing as no-one at my school seemed to like or care what happened to me for the first month I was there, (besides Christian), I decided to turn against everyone's wishes and hopes and become my _own_ person, the kind that doesn't kiss up to everyone else and try to be their best friend.  
However, it was harder than it sounds, because I didn't really have anything to do with my time.  
I ended up listening to a whole load of music and I started to read alot; I even started to write and draw, but in the end I wasn't very good at it, and I realised it wasn't me. So I just threw that away and moped around for a while, watching as Christian drifted off towards his old friends. The hardest thing was about seeing him edge away from me, was that it was my fault, and although this sounds really stuck up and fake - _I didn't know how to stop it_. I didn't know how to act, how to talk, whether I should try or just give up.  
Apparentley, with school I was best off to give up, to avoid all the shit and taunting from everyone else. But at home, I _had_ to try, to help manage with all my family. And when my parents found out I was failing, well, that's when they needed me most.  
"What do you mean your failing? Your so smart! I can't believe it!" my Mum said, a little _too_ shocked if I say so myself.  
"I'm just failing, I guess the teacher's aren't as good here as back home." I shrugged, trying to act cool, but really I was quite surprised myself. I didn't want to give up at _everything_, though I guess I'd got so caught up in having my antisocial attitude that I forgot schooling aswell.  
"Don't say 'back home' like that girl, this is your home now." Dad grunted, lifting his glasses up his nose and turning the page of his newspaper. His eyes widened as he got to Page 3 of '_The Sun_'. Me and Mum stared at him in disgust. I think he got the drift, so he simply cleared his throat and tried to change the subject. "And what's this about you failing Christy? You're fifteen now, you need to start taking things seriously! If not then you won't get into a good college and get a proper job. I'm very disappointed in you."  
I couldn't help but laugh. Loudly. Mum gave me a disapproving glare, and Dad shook his head at me. "You laugh now, girl," he said, "but not later, when you're living in a tiny house, up to your eyes in debt." I stopped laughing and was suddenly hit with this wave of emotion. Not fear - _anger_.  
"Excuse me?" I shouted, feeling myself going all red in the face. "Stop trying to make me feel bad! Your being such a dick, trying to scare me into stuff that's _never_ gonna happen! Just stop it, your being pathetic, it's MY life!"  
Mum dropped the plate she was washing up. Dad rose from his chair.  
"Don't speak to your father like that you little-" Mum began, but Dad interrupted her.  
"No, Emma, leave it to me." Dad said, putting his hand on her shoulder. "If that's how you want it to be then fine, Christy, just remember we warned you. And yes your right, it's _your_ life, of course it is, how _silly_ of me to try and co-ordinate it for you. As of now, you can fend for yourself!" He said.  
I blinked, not sure what he meant. Fend for myself? Like what, go hunting or stuff for my own food?  
I'd picked the perfect moment to be blonde.

I was sent to bed pretty much straight after that, even though we'd only just finished dinner, and it was only around seven'o'clock. I didn't really mind though, seeing as I could just mess around on my laptop or text Christian, maybe I could even finish off a book I'd been reading. But I wasn't really in the mood; I just wanted to figure out what Dad had meant. I did understand what he had said - I'm not _that_ dumb - but I didn't realise in what context, whether he was saying it seriously or was it just a minor threat? I sighed and combed my fringe with my fingers, like I always used to when I was in my old school when I got annoyed or stressed out with a teacher, or simply just lost interest. I thought to myself, "Wow, I seem to be losing interest _alot_ nowadays, especially with school work", and yeah, I was. It's really quite stupid how I'm behaving though, because to say the least, I still have Christian, and even though I'm a dick, here's there for me. To be quite honest, I'm _really_ lucky to have him, and I'm being a dick for pushing him away and just acting like I don't care about anything because, well, _I do._ I'm being so mean to him and all he's done in stick by me. Sure, I get a little annoyed when he's with all the other people but I can't win at everything, and a little competetion is healthy, right? Ugh, jealousy is stupid. I know this sounds weird for any fifteen-year-old girl to say but seriously, _I couldn't stand to be in a relationship_.

I don't want to be like everyone else, tarting theirselves up just to get a boy that'll only treat them like shit and not really care. I think it's ridiculous how everyone think's love is the answer, when it hurts so bad if it goes wrong. Why should we just pine after other people and let them control us and everything we do? They know that we could break so easily, so they'll play you like a book. Why follow the pattern?


	3. B is for Body Language

B is for Body Language

Well, it's been a while since the last encounter with Dad. There were many after the schooling thing, trust me - I think the worst one was when he threw me out the house. And its pretty bad seeing as my grades have only been bad for about 3 months. Well, my grades being that bad for that long _is _bad, but I mean, my Dad hates me and it's only for one reason. And he's being way too extreme about it. I think it was last week that I came back from Christian's - I'd been staying with him for a while after Dad had thrown me out - and when I got back Mum was in tears. I'm really worried about her, she's so quiet around Dad, as if he'll moan at her if she even opens her mouth. I know she loves him, and I know he loves her, but they've got a really bad way of coming across with it. They remind me of my great Nan and Grandad (may they rest in peace). They were always arguing, but in a jokey way, and in the end they were always happy again. They were inseperable; it was so cute! I remember, when my Grandad died, it was awful. The whole day everyone was silent; the only thing you could hear was crying. Nan just sat in her rocking chair, looking out into the distance. She died soon after.  
So I guess true love really does exist, over time? I suppose it... Grows, on you? I hope so, else Mum and Dad are gonna be in serious shit.

I was an only child when my grandparents died, so I was the only kid there to comfort. I guess that was a good thing, for both me and my parents - if Riley and Liam were there too, I'd have to comfort them, when I was barely able to comfort myself, and Mum and Dad would have to think of ways to explain it to them without making them upset. I was nine then, so I could handle death; I knew what it is.

At the moment, I'm fifteen, waiting for my sixteenth birthday, which is in four months today. My little brother Liam is seven, and my younger sister Riley is four. I don't really mind my siblings, simply because I don't see much of them. Liam's always out round his girlfriend's - (I know, it's ridiculous) - and my Auntie Cheryl who lives with us is always taking Riley out and treating her to stuff. She's quite sweet though, so when she is there I don't really mind her. Sometimes I'm nice to her, and sometimes I just ignore her. If she cries then I might pick her up but she's old enough to get up herself now. Wow that sounds horrible haha.

It feels really weird, talking about love and everything. Even Christian's with someone now - he's found this guy called Drake. I haven't met the guy, mind you, but he does sound alright, and I'm just glad Christian's happy to be honest. Christian and mine's friend Michelle has a guy, too, and I'm not sure whether I should tell her or not but he's bad for her. I don't mean as in bad types or anything, because I suppose they suit each other but he's honestly a bad guy. He's seventeen and, I'll put it this way - _he gets around_. But then again, so does pretty much every guy in our school, or that's ever been to our school. I suppose there are a few alright guys, but they're probably already taken, or not interested. And _I'm_ not interested either, before you point a finger. But I think there is a guy who is. And I can't help feeling happy that _somebody_ likes me, especially seeing as he's pretty decent!

His name's Shane, and he's really quite sweet. And _his eyes_! They're blooming gorgeous; a wonderful greeny-blue colour that, in the right light, look right into you and make you go all tingly.  
His voice is really like, rich and inviting and he's pretty much nice to anyone. Everybody respects him and, well, he's a perfect gentleman.

But I'm not into guys, or relationships - I've promised myself. I can't just back out on all my beliefs for one guy who probably doesn't like me that much anyway, for a guy who'll just break my heart and leave me to pick up the pieces. Unless... Unless he _does_ like me, and I have the power in the relationship? I mean, I've always known it to be the girl that likes the guy, and I've never thought guys ever really could _love._ But if he asks _me_ out, then I've got all the control.

Haha, this is so stupid! I really have to stop thinking like this; it's never gonna happen. I'm never gonna _let_ it happen. God, this really must be confusing. It is to me, anyway. I just... I just want things to turn out for the best, whether that means being with him or not. And it probably means being with him, knowing my luck. But I'm not even sure if I want to be with him. I need to talk to someone about it, properly. See what happens, right? And in the mean time, a bit of flirting can't hurt? I think he already has been, I'm just not very good at picking up the signs.

Oh... My... God. I'm being like the other girls. I'm following this trail thing! I hope I don't turn out like them... Oh god, please no! Ugh, what have I become! A... normal girl?


	4. C is for Concert

C is for Concert

Well, if I can say the least, it's been a very confusing week. The whole Shane thing isn't going typically well. Well actually, nothing's really changed, except for the fact that Christian knows I'm thinking about... things, that involve Shane. I still haven't found out his opinion on it, actually; he was supposed to ring me after school before the concert, but it's a bit late now. I'm leaving in a bit anyway. Everybody's meeting up at this place called Tower Gate or somewhere to get a mini-bus thing, and then we're all going to a concert. I'm not completely sure of the bands that are playing, but it doesn't really matter. Christian told me to come as his 'Plus One', bless him. I'm sure he would've taken Drake if he hadn't been busy, but still, I'm going now so I may as well not complain. Besides, Shane's going, and Christian said it'd be good for me and him to get some quality time out of school hours, though I'm still not too sure about it.

"Just try it out, you never know what might happen." Christian replied later on at the Tower Bridge, after I'd explained to him what I was thinking.  
"But I'm really nervous! I mean, I'm not even sure if I like him!" I whined, my heart thudding. I needed to keep quiet; Shane could turn up at any time. The thought of it made me blush.  
"Hey, hey! You're fantasizing, _aren't_ you!" Christian sang, grabbing my hand and swinging it. "Oh, my baby-cake's growing up!"  
"Shut-_up_!" I squealed, whacking him gently in the stomach. "And fantasizing my _arse_! I was just... contemplating."  
"Fantasizing my arse?" Shane asked, making me jump ten feet in the air. "What are you lot talking about? Hope I didn't miss anything good!"  
"Haha, you betcha did-" Christian began, but when he saw my devillish glare he knew his boundaries. "... Christy was giving me information about that raunchy strip-tease she had over chat roulette with some guy last night!" He lied.  
Shane laughed. "Oh I would've _loved_ that, you'll have to do that for me sometime Christy! Haha," he smiled, giving me a wink. I melted. Maybe I _did_ like him.  
"I bet you would!" I said, trying to join into the conversation and get something going. "So, when's the taxi coming?"  
"It's not a taxi it's a minibus you _douche_," our friend Rowena giggled, popping up from behind us. I jumped, yet again.  
"_For fug's sake,_ why do people keep doing that?" I screamed, feeling like a fool.  
"Because it's fun to watch you _squirm_!" Shane and Christian said at the same time. They both went to tickle me on my ribs, knowing it was my weak spot.  
"Ugh you guys _suck_!" I said in a strop, pushing their hands away. I crossed my arms and stuck my lip out, acting like a cute little kid. It was pathetic how I was coming across just to get a reaction from Shane. Everything was just so crazy; I wasn't being true to myself. My smile suddenly dropped and I went quiet.

"Oh god no, here's Miss 'Anti-Social No-Friend Bitch' again! I thought we dropped her a couple of months ago, but she appears to be back!" Christian announced, his eyes flicking towards me.  
"Shutup," I mumbled.  
"Ohh sorry! Look out Shane she _bites_!" Christian growled. "Oh look, my finger, it's bleeding! She has _razor _teeth! I'm gonna die!"  
"No, your gonna turn into a Vampire, mwahah!" Rowena laughed, putting her fingers to her mouth to make them look like fangs.  
"Oh a were-wolf!" Shane said, and then he wolf-whistled. I hid my face under my hair, feeling my cheeks going red.  
"Rawr," I said mopily.  
"Oh, don't be like that, please. It'll ruin the evening." Shane sighed. "It's not nice seeing you upset." I swallowed and pursed my lips together, trying to cover up my smile. He was being so _nice, _ and I was just being a mopey old bitch.  
"Fine, for _you_ I'll try and be a nice person." I smiled.  
"Hey, no-one said you weren't a nice person, just an emo one." Rowena laughed. I glared at her, but my going-and-appearing-again-too-much smile remained there.  
A sudden beep made me jump.  
"Ugh, again?" I moaned, shaking my legs.  
"Your just too jumpy girl!" Christian said in his Oprah-Winfrey voice. I pulled a face at him and stuck my tongue out.  
"Charming," Shane said. "Look, let's get in the taxi, it's freezing out here."  
"It's a mini-bus you _douche_!" Everyone shouted at Shane simultaneously. We all burst out laughing.  
"_Fine!_ Let's get in the _mini-bus_ then!" Shane said, pretending to be sad, yet his face still remained beautiful to me. Maybe I was falling for him.

When we arrived at the event, we all handed our tickets in and decided who got to sit where. Christian made sure I was sat inbetween him and Shane. He also made sure we were as far away from the speakers as possible so we could actually talk without having to shout at each other. The first band came on (Who they were I had no idea whatsoever) and everyone started singing along. I sat there, motionless. Shane looked at me and leaned towards me. "Please, Christy, I don't know what's going on with you at home or anything, but please don't be all emotionless and upset. Your here with us now, you're supposed to be having a good time. Why don't you just put everything behind you?" I sighed.  
"It's not that, Shane, please don't think it's th- Wait, what?" I started.  
"I just don't want you to be unhappy."  
"But how did you know something's happening at home?" I stammered.  
"I didn't, I just assumed because you seemed upset and, everything seems to be alright at school for you now so..." Shane whimpered. He was scared, I could tell. I hope he didn't think I was gonna go mega-bitch crazy on him.  
"Oh, okay."  
"Okay?"  
"Well, it was a guess right? Unless there's something you're not telling me?" I asked. I didn't want an answer. I wanted it to just be normal.  
"I'm sure. There's nothing I'm not telling you, I swear. Please forgive me." He said.  
"There's... Nothing to forgive." I smiled weakly. He leaned over and gave me a hug. It felt so right in his arms, and even though it lasted for about 2 seconds it felt like it was forever. Well, I wished it was.

During the concert all I could do was think of him and the embrace we shared. Everything was getting out of place, I was going against everything I'd ever said and believed in since I was young. But it just felt so right. And it was just weird how it was _me_ liking _Shane._ I mean, everyone liked Shane, and alot of people _like_-liked him, but no one would expect _me_ to like him. It would be so... Nice, walking into school with him, his arm round mine, letting all the people stare and take it all in. I'd be respected, and liked and I'd belong. With him, at school, in my new life.

"Christy? Hello? Christy, it's intermission, you gonna snap out of this now?" Christian yelled at me in a not-so-nice way, waving his hands right infront of my face. I blinked and blinked until my eyes adjusted. I'd been in such a long daydream, and I felt so embaressed.  
"Where's Shane?" I said suddenly, worried. "I didn't say anything in my 'sleep', did I?" I was panicking. I just prayed he wasn't there to hear me.  
"No, he's gone to the loo. Look, what's up with you? Have you taken anything? You were shivering!" Christian asked. His face looked grave.  
"Where's everyone else?" I asked, changing the subject, though it was a bad idea because then it probably would've sounded like I _had _ taken something, even though I didn't.  
"Rowena's down there chatting to some, rocker-guys, I don't know. They're gross anyway, and I don't know why they're here." He shuddered. "This is ALTERNATIVE guys, not Heavy Metal!" He yelled down at the men. The men looked up, and Christian looked back at me quickly.  
"You landed yourself in that one then haha," I laughed. I looked down at my arm. "Goosebumps? Why have I got goosebumps?"  
"I don't know, you were shivering, it was really scary! You went really pale but you were smiling, and then you started shaking. We thought you were having a fit!"  
"Were my eyes open?"  
"Yeah, really wide open."  
"Oh, I must've been day-dreaming then." I sighed, thinking about my dream.  
"Yeah well next time, don't. Shane looked really worried!"  
"Aww!" I smiled. He was so god-damn _sweet_!  
"Uh, your so girly. I'm surprised you didn't dress up in bright pink today and wear your hair in pigtails, going Teehee at everything he says!"  
"Haha, like I'd do that." I giggled.  
"Yeah, well, you never know!"

Me and Christian kept chatting for a while, not just about Shane (though mostly), about other things too, like shopping and bands and music and stuff. It was good to have some prime-time with him, without all his other friends trying to steal him away.  
Shane returned when we were deep in conversation, so it was really awkward trying to either break the conversation or get Shane involved somehow so we could all talk. But the first thing Shane said when he saw me was "Oh thank god!". I looked at him and acted like I didn't know why he'd said that, when I really did, and it made me feel all warm inside.  
"Thank god you're okay, dude!" he laughed, giving me a hug.  
"Loving the affection Shane, but any reason why?" I asked, looking at Christian and giving him the 'it's-going-smooth' smile.  
"I thought you were really ill! You were shivering and mumbling and smiling and you looked so..."

"Peaceful? Beautiful? Gorgeous?" I joked.  
"Well yeah, but you looked so weird as well - no offence! It was like you were in a coma or something!"  
"Aaand you didn't think to try and wake me up?" I laughed.  
"Well, _they_ didn't-" he said, looking at Rowena and Christian. "But I did. Alot." I smiled at him and he smiled back. I wanted this moment to last. He was being so sweet and he wasn't even trying to hint to me or anything. I just didn't know how to ask him out.  
"Bleugh! Icky straight people love!" Christian 'gagged', sticking his fingers down his throat. "You know what, I think it'd be better down there with Rowena and her little rocker'fellas!"  
"Hah, cheers! Then why don't you go down there and leave me and Christy alone for a bit, yeah?" Shane asked, smiling. Christian raised one eyebrow and I noticed that both of them were looking at me expectantly.  
"Oh, um, yeah okay?" I said, a little stumbled. It felt weird, seeing Christian need my permission to go somewhere.


	5. D is for Danger

D is for Danger

When me and Shane were alone, it was magical. We just talked and talked, it was so right, and for once, I wasn't a bit embarressed. I bet I looked like a fool though, hanging onto his every word, but then again I didn't care. I just wanted to be with Shane for a bit and find out some more about him, find out how he _really_ felt, and get the right oppurtunity to explain to him what I was going through.  
"So umm, why'd you wanna talk?" I began, trying to act clueless.  
"I just thought it'd be nice if we were.. You know, alone." Shane said. He looked a little nervous.  
"Okay then, what do you wanna do then? Intermission doesn't last long, so I reckon we've got enough time for a quickie round back and we'll be back in time for Kings of Leon, 'kay?" I joked, picking his arm up and putting it round my shoulders. He didn't hesitate; infact he pulled me closer.  
"Haha, _no_, that's not _exactly_ what I had in mind... Though if you want to I'm sure I could make room!" He laughed. Ugh, his smile was so adorable! I stared at him for a while, smiling at him, not able to stop.  
"So, what do _you_ wanna do?" He asked after a while of cute-sy silence.  
"I don't know, this is nice here," I blushed, leaning my cheek against his shoulder. A shiver run up my back. It felt so right, but I was suddenly overcome with a wave of... nervousness?  
"Yeah, your right, it is." He smiled. He turned his neck a little, and I hoped and hoped he was going to lean his head on mine; it would've been so lovely if we'd just shared this long cuddle together. I smiled to myself, thinking about all the oppurtunities we had.  
"But seriously, what do you wanna do?" Shane said after a while. "I mean, after the concert. Wait, that sounds wrong, haha." I laughed too but I knew he didn't mean it in that way. "You could come back to mine, I guess? Like, not for anything like that but just to hang out? Or we could get a pizza or...?"  
"Yeah, yeah, I'd like that." I smiled. "Do they need to come?" I pointed my head towards Christian, Rowena and the guys.  
"Well, they don't _have_ to, not if you don't want them to. I don't mind, I'd prefer just... Us, I guess..." he stammered. I smiled again. I just... I don't know how to describe it. It was just perfect, I'd never felt this way. It was like the movies but... Better. I wanted to lean forward and kiss him, so badly. And hey, you never know, he might've kissed back. But I didn't try, I just gave him a big hug and grabbed his hand. He smiled back at me, and held onto me for a long time. It was strange how he was acting exactly how I wanted him to act, but I didn't complain, not one bit. It was just so lovely. I couldn't wait til later on in the night.

During the rest of the concert, all I did was look at him. I know that sounds kind of creepy, but it was actually pretty sweet; he kept smiling back at me and squeezing my hand. I was just glad I didn't have to go into a day-dream again, glad that I could just look at him and I'd see his smile, the same one I'd been wishing for not half an hour ago. I even went to lean on his shoulder at one point, and he didn't say anything. _He might have even liked it, _I thought to myself. Throughout that whole night (well, besides the beginning), my smile had never faded, and it was all because of him. I kept thinking back to my dream about us, and I started to actually believe it could happen. I mean, he seemed to like me too. It was marvellous; I was ecstatic!  
But the rest of the concert seemed to drag on and on, and I got so bored. I mean, it was okay looking at Shane, I could keep interested in him for eternity to be honest but, well, I had to let my guard down a little. Even if he did like me, (and I was pretty sure I liked him then), I couldn't look _too_ keen.

But what if he's just messing with my head, I suddenly thought. If he was, he was sure doing a good job of it. I'd fallen for him so quickly, it was ridiculous. Just after one night, a few smiles and a couple of jokes and conversations. I really hoped I wasn't going to go all obsessive and crazy.  
But I did like him, and isn't that the normal thing to do?

Ugh, I'm doing my thing again. My thing - incase you didn't know - is that I always argue with myself, and find the bad side of things. I never stop worrying about _something_, even a tiny little thing. I'm really paranoid, and I'm such a pessimist. Wow, that rhymes. Haha, what if I become a master villian? My name could be the Paranoid Pessimist! That would be so cool!

- Or not. I'm so weird! Ugh, no wonder I think people talk or laugh about me whenever they walk past - I wouldn't blame them!

I finally stopped arguing with myself and shook my head out of the craziness, only to realise that everyone was rising from their seats and beginning to leave the stadium. I looked below my row of seats and saw Rowena and her two guyfriends (Shock!) all deep in conversation, and turned to my side to see Shane, asleep. I laughed and looked at him for a while, taking in his long eyelashes, his perfect lips, his all around beautiful face. I sighed, one of those proper 'girly-love' sighs, and looked to my right to see Christian sat on the top of a seat, staring down at me.

"Your a freak, you know that? All you've done today is stare at him, do you think that's gonna get you anywhere?" He stated. I raised one eyebrow, getting ready for a pointless rant from someone who knows 'everything' about guys.  
"I've had a very long history with guys, all of them _madly_ in love with me and I know_ exactly_ how they think and feel, so just take this in-" he began, but I didn't leave long to interrupt him.  
"Yes Christian, no Christian. It's all the same! Could you please leave me to myself? I want to see how it goes, me being me, not trying to _trick_ him into liking me." I said truthfully, though in my head there were flashing red lights and sirens going 'DANGER, DANGER! LOSS OF BEST FRIEND!'  
Christian blinked at me, and he scowled. "I was only trying to help. Besides, you being you? The Christy _I_ know isn't interested in guys. Or girls. Or anything, or anyone. She's just the over-looker who's just there doing nothing of interest. You've changed, biatch." He jumped down from the seat and ran away. Perhaps I should've listened to the warnings?

I guess I would've found it funny, how he used 'biatch' as an actualy insult, and how he'd run away so stupidly. I'd also probably found it funny how I owned him as I was running away; I'd said "No offence Christian but the guys you know about are GAY, and there's a very THICK line between gay and straight guys!"  
But I didn't find it funny, I was upset. How could he say that I'd changed? I'd been liking Shane for about two days at the most, and just because I was acting a tiny way different because of the circumstances, doesn't mean I've changed. I looked back down at Shane. He was still asleep, remarkably. I didn't want to wake him up because he looked so peaceful, but I wanted to be with him for the rest of the night, starting _now._ I wanted him to comfort me and take my mind off of Christian's hissy fit, give me hugs and smile and tell me how it wasn't my fault.  
I face-palmed myself. I was being so stupid. He was one guy, who I'd known for less than a year, and liked for less than a week, and I was already thinking up stuff like that? As if he'd actually do that. - Whoops, pessimistic side again!

But still... What about our date? My Mum and Dad think that I'm staying round Rowena's so I'd be okay to stay the night. That sounds so wrong. I mean like, on the sofa or something at his. But would he mind? Would he _want_ me staying in his house, snoring so loudly that I'd probably make the TV rattle and fall off the stand?  
As far as I know I don't snore, but knowing me, if I did sleep round his I'd only embarress myself. I face-palmed myself again, which caused Shane to stir.  
I held my breath - I'm not sure why - but I did. I didn't want him waking up to see me looking at him, so I turned around quickly, flicked my fringe over my eyes and fiddled with a bit of loose thread on my cardigan sleeve. When he moved and finally woke up I turned around slowly to look at him as if I'd just been distracted from the 'very complex' task of pulling some cotton out of my sleeve. It was lame how quickly I'd thought it out and why I even did it in the first place, but hey, I need to make as much as a good impression as I can, because if I want to be with him (Which I do!) I've gotta be as good as I can get, and try as hard as possible.

"Hey," he smiled as he saw me. He stretched his arms a little and blinked cutely, like a little kitten that had just woken from a long, relaxing snooze. "Did I miss anything?"  
"Oh, no, not really, just me and some guy hooking up round back," I joked, giving him a wink. "You should've been there, it was great."  
"I bet it was," he laughed, taking my hand. "We still up for tonight?"  
"Tonight? Why not _now_?" I asked, knowing what he meant but still wanting to make a deal out of it. I hoped I was being cute. I didn't really know how to; to me I was just being stupid and over the top. I hope it wasn't the same to him.  
"Sure, right now then." He smiled, taking my hand. "Got your stuff?"  
"Yeah, we set?"  
"We're set."  
We smiled at each other at the exact same time, and both looked away from each other simultaneously. It was awkward, but I guess it would've looked kind of sweet, like in movies or TV or stuff like that.

We started to walk down the rows of chairs and down the stadium place to get outside.  
"What are we gonna do about Rowena?" I asked, slipping my sleeves over my hands and crossing my arms. It was freezing.  
"I don't know, I guess she's going back with them guys," Shane sighed, glancing over to her hanging onto the bigger guy's arm. "... She'll be okay." He said after a while.  
"Yeah, Rowena knows her boundaries. If anything wrong goes on then she'll know what to do. Hey, I'll give her a text on the ride back." I suggested, but I was still unsure of how safe she would be. Going back with two guys she'd known for less than hours who were about five years older than her? Very dangerous idea, right? I tried not to think about it.  
"That's a good idea. So, any idea how we're gonna actually _get_ back?" He asked, my focus changing from Rowena back to Shane, the gorgeous, beautiful most wonderful guy I'd ever met.  
"Umm, call a taxi? I've got about twenty quid in my purse, and if that's not enough, I guess I could just trade in my camera, that should be worth a bit, haha!" I said, opening my bag and getting my purse and mobile phone out.  
"Hey, you're not paying. What sort of a guy would a be if I let you paid?"  
"A bit of a pussy?" I joked, letting go of his hand and slipping my arm through the crook of his. "I'm joking; you'd just be like any other guy at our school if you made me fork out. But I'm _offering_, so you've got to let me."  
"Nope, I'm the perfect gentleman, as you can tell-" he said, acting all silly and sweet like one of the cute guys in those old movies. "And your coming with me. Besides, it'll come to less than a tenner, I'm sure."  
I smiled and pulled him closer. I loved the way he acted round me, and the effect I acted had on him. I've said it once (or about fifty times) and I'll say it twice (or fifty-one times), it was perfect. Perfect perfect perfect. I could't call it love yet, but it was something, definetely!

It was probably dangerous to be falling so quickly and, as I've always said, I'm probably gonna get my heart broken but, I think it might work!


	6. E is for Ecstacy

E is for Ecstacy

The car-ride back was magical, literally. We talked and talked and talked, both of us listening so hard and answering back so passionately. It was pure heaven for me- I'd never been like this with a guy before, not ever. I never even knew guys could _be_ this way. I'd never know a guy to love a girl properly, either, seeing as I grew up with my Mum and Dad rowing all the time. Like I said before, the only love I'd ever saw that was true, was between two old people.

I didn't know what to expect of Shane's house, and I'd tried not to think of it. I always seem to do that - think of everything that's not important, and then leave out big things in case when the time comes I'm disappointed. Though to be honest, I couldn't care less about his house. So long as it wasn't creepy and weird or majorly dirty, I'd be sure to love it as much as I thought I loved Shane.  
When the taxi pulled up and Shane paid the fare (£11.09, he had to scrape out his pockets for the last pound!) he took my hand and led me to his front door. It was dark, so I couldn't really see much of the outside, but it was really bright inside.  
"Why are the lights on? Is anyone here?" I asked a little nervously as I took off my shoes.  
"No, I just kept them on to scare robbers away." He explained, a little embarressed.  
"Hah, that's quite a good idea! We should probably do that, but then again there's nothing of interest for anyone to rob in my house," I said, looking around the hallway. The walls were painted white, and the skirting board around the doors and on the bottom of the walls were a deep brown. There were lots of pictures on the walls, most of them canvases, of Shane and his family at a photoshoot. There were many different places and outfits; I imagined his family must have liked photos and been to many photoshoots. I would've loved to be able to do that, because I'm quite into photography, but we'd never have the cash, and besides, Mum and Dad would just moan that all the pictures would clutter up the walls.  
"So... What do you think? I know it's not much but..." Shane said suddenly, watching me as I looked at all of the pictures on the walls.  
"It's beautiful," I replied, giving him a smile. And it was. I know it's silly to call a house 'beautiful', but I loved how clean and precise and cosy it was, even though it was very homely too. "I wish my house was like this."  
"Well, what's wrong with your house? I'm sure it's nice too," he said, opening a door and going into the living room. I followed him instinctively, looking around again.  
"Hah, for once Shane you're absolutely wrong. My house is terribly cluttered and boring. It's tiny and surrounded by drooling, screaming kids, shouting parents and a whole load of crap we've never even used." I sighed, sitting down a big cream sofa. He sat down next to me and looked at me.  
"I couldn't care less," he said. "If its a home its a home." I smiled - really smiled. I couldn't believe how happy I was feeling after he'd said just that stupd little thing. I wanted to kiss him, right there, right then. I just didn't know how to come across it.  
We just stared at each other for a while, not wanting this moment to end.  
"So what do you want to do?" he said quietly.  
"Umm, I'm not sure," I giggled. "In what term?"  
"I don't know," he said. "What term do you want it to be in?" I smiled and look away, but he took his hand to my chin and pulled me back to face him. Then he kissed me. So suddenly, so sweetly. So perfect. First date, first proper time together, it was even my first _kiss_, and it was with him, the best guy I'd ever met. So I kissed back, and I didn't want it to end. When either one of us pulled away, we just pulled each other back again. I was in ecsctacy, up in the sky, just me and him lying on a cloud in the stars, with no worries, no concerns, just love for each other. But I flew right back down to earth suddenly, and had to pull away. I was scared.  
"What's up?" he moaned softly. "I didn't... You were..."  
"No, I heard a noise." I said, standing up and walking towards the curtains as quietly as I could. "Your parents aren't gonna be here, are they?"  
"They're on vacation 'til next Friday." he explained, standing up to join me. He put his arms round me and hugged me from behind.  
"This is nice," I said, leaning my head against him.  
"I know, it is nice," he said, kissing me on the cheek. "But is it what you want?"  
"What do you mean?" I asked, slipping my hand in his.  
"Us, doing this," he mumbled.  
"Doing... what, exactly?" I said, turning to face him. I hoped it wasn't going to turn nasty. I didn't want anything to ruin it.  
"Being together." He said. I sighed with relief.  
"So, you want us to be together?" I smiled.  
"Yes. Please."  
"Then okay." I said, and then I kissed him again, and again, and again. It was perfect, I was up in the sky again, and this time _all_ of my worries were gone. I didn't even care if his parents walked in or if some robber burst into the room. I was with Shane. Properly with Shane. And at school on Monday, everyone would know, and it would all be different, it would all be good. I'd never been happier. If I told you that I nearly cried with joy, I'd only be telling _half_ the truth.


End file.
